The Underling Who Stole Nepmas
by Puru-Ai
Summary: A parody of "The Grinch Stole Christmas", starring Underling/Linda as the Grinch.


**The Underling Who Stole Nepmas**

In a certain dimension, lied the humble little village known as Gamesville, where CPU's of all corners of the globe lived together in harmony with normal humans. They sang gleefully as they prepared for Nepmas, the jolliest time of the year. Everyone anticipated Santa Bert's arrival, and made sure to leave out yaoi doujinshi and the latest games as a token of gratitude for the saint. It snowed peacefully as the whole town held hands around the Nepmas tree and sang tunes together. Everybody loved Nepmas!

That is, everybody but the naughty little underling who lived on the mountain presiding over Gamesville. The girl known simply as "Underling" abhorred Nepmas with her black, lonely heart. Why, you ask? Nobody knows. Perhaps it had something to do with her getting coal every single year. Or maybe it was being forced to listen to the village's singing every single year. She watched from her fortress of solitude, her feet numb in her shoes, wasting her time, hating the CPU's.

Out came her companion, a rat on two legs, wondering what was the fuss. "Why do you do this every year, chu? They're songs are pretty good."

Underling turned around, her eyes red with rage. "Shut up, little runt. Go get hit by a bus!"

The clammy skinned girl stroked her chin, devising a devious plot. Her starving tummy was a complete afterthought, despite imagining the delicious feast the village would be having after opening their gifts. Pudding, meat, and even eggplants! "Those broads wouldn't be singing and dancing if I gave them something to weep about…"

A devilish grin grew across her face. An idea had formed in her head. She came up with a way to satisfy her bitter heart and ruin Nepmas for everyone!

She grabbed her sidekick by the tail, and wandered into her cold and lonely home. She created an outfit, with great detail. Her plan was simple- she'd pretend to be Santa Bert, and steal everyone's presents!

Ironically, she thought of a tune as she created her disguise…

" _You're a mean one_

 _Underling_

 _Too bad, you can not_

 _sing_

 _You're as sturdy_

 _as a tank_

 _as fast as a_

 _load screen_

 _Underliiiiing…_

 _Those broads will rue the day_

 _They sang their little songs!_

 _You're a real thug_

 _Underling_

 _Your heart is made_

 _of stone_

 _Your hoodie's gray and dirty_

 _your only friend's a furry_

 _Underliiiiiing…_

 _Even in your own dreams_

 _Your real name isn't used…_

With her disguise finished, she looked in the mirror. "Guess I gotta find a reindeer now."

"Where are you supposed to find a reindeer around here, chu?", Warechu replied.

She looked directly at her rodent friend, who gulped nervously in response. Some duct tape, sticks, and some red paint later, Santaling had her very own reindeer. She walked outside to her own little sled, and had her "reindeer" hooked up to lead the charge. With a whip in hand, a "snap" was all it took to set things in motion.

"T-this has to be animal abuse, chu!", Warechu whined, before yielding and pulling the sled down the mountain. The sled slid down easily, rapidly approaching the village below. The sled, however, only increased in speed as it descended, causing Warechu to run as fast as he could to avoid being run over by his own payload. Unfortunately for him, it didn't take long for that to happen. The rodent-reindeer hybrid now found himself being dragged through the snow by the sled.

"Ch-chuuuuuuu!", he squealed. Underling groaned before pulling the reins to bring her steed back to the front of the sled. This caused the rodent to flip around and grasp onto Underling herself.

"Get your filthy hands off of me, damn it!", Underling growled. She grabbed the rodent and threw him forward, trying to force him into continuing to pull the sled. It wasn't long after that until they finally arrived into the town.

It was midnight, and all the lights were out. Sneaking into each house would be easy, no doubt. The mischievous pair set up a ladder, and up went the Santaling, with some empty bags in hand. Down the chimney she went- with such ease, thanks to her physical shortcomings.

She got down without a hitch, and took a peek into the room. Her eyes glew- without a doubt, this house was rich! She crawled out of the fireplace and began her heist. Stockings, gifts, nothing was safe. Her bags of loot grew and grew. Once they were full, up the chimney they flew.

While her reindeer moved the bags onto the sled, Santaling's mind sung a tune once more.

 _You're a vile one_

 _Underling_

 _Evil brings you_

 _a smile_

 _You broke some kid's dreams_

 _to a million little pieces_

 _Underliiiiiiiing…_

 _I can't wait to see_

 _the look on their faces_

 _when they see their games are goooone…_

 _Oh how devilish…_

 _Underling_

 _The queen_

 _of reckless joy_

 _Your heart's all dried up_

 _Your best friend's a rat_

 _Underliiiiiiing…_

 _You can't wait to drink the tears_

 _Of those gosh darn CPU's…_

Throughout the night, Santaling and Waredeer went from house to house, pilfering whatever holiday items they could find. Candy canes, gingerbread cookies, she robbed them all blind. She even emptied their fridges, who could believe that? As she was shoving the last of the loot of one house, she heard a little noise. " _It must be some brat!_ "

Santaling turned around and noticed a small little blonde girl, rubbing her eyes. She said to the thief, "Santa… Bert? Why are you taking Pea's presents?"

Underling panicked internally. In but an instant, she was able to come up with a reply. "H-hey, little kid. I made a mistake… these are someone else's presents! I'll bring yours soon, so no need to be awake!"

"A… mistake? Alright, thanks Ms. Santa Bert! You're the best!", the little girl said. She hugged the underling tightly, with genuine glee.

Underling gently patted her head. "That's enough. Now go to sleep, little bee!"

Once the little girl went back to her room, the naughty underling continued her robbing spree. One by one, each house she struck. She stole lights dolls, and even a toy truck.

As she went on, her mind wandered once more…

 _You're gotta be kidding_

 _Underling_

 _You're taking everything_

 _They've got_

 _Every single thing_

 _in sight_

 _Even a_

 _Cranberry Sprite_

 _Underliiiiing…_

 _Everything happening here_

 _will be totally worth it in the end_

 _Once you see all their tears…_

 _You'll regret this_

 _Underling_

 _You're downright hysterical_

 _Your heart is cold as ice_

 _Your soul is full is that of mice_

 _Underliiiiiing…_

 _The three best words to describe you are_

 _Bad,_

 _Thug,_

 _Sad..._

Without making a noise, she made her rounds through the town. Her sled was filled to the brim, with everyone's presents. With a naughty grin, she observed her loot. Only doubting herself for just a moment, she looked around the town. Not even the tree at the town center was spared! She shook her head and dismissed her worries. Once she whipped her steed, they were gone in a hurry.

All the way up the mountain they went, the underling's whip unrelenting. All the way up, to the very top they went, the loot teetering on the brink of descent.

Underling smirked. "They'll be waking up soon enough, then they'll all see. Everything's gone, and no Nepmas is coming! Those broads will all cry, because all that's left is nothing!" She peeked down below onto the town, eager to see the looks on their faces.

As the sun rose, she could hear a low hum. The town was singing, hand in hand with joy. Despite everything, the town was still happy. Nothing the underling had done had made a difference, for Nepmas day was certainly not crappy.

Underling was dumbfounded. She couldn't understand how the town could remain happy, despite losing everything. It was at this point that she realized that Nepmas wasn't about presents or cookies or candy. She realized that it was about so much more.

Before she had the chance to contemplate this even further, her sled threatened to fall over the edge of the mountain. She sprinted as fast as she could and grabbed the sled. Something came over her when she grasped it, finding the strength to save the entire thing with all the plundered loot.

With a fresh smile on her face, she picked up Waredeer, and began to pace. Down the mountain they went with all the stolen presents, back to Gamesville. Everything she took, she returned, to all their rightful owners. And from that day onwards, Underling and Warechu turned over a new leaf, celebrating the joy of Nepmas with everyone.

 ** _-FIN-_**


End file.
